Where are we Going?
by imdoingthiswhy
Summary: Yet another post-Squab and Quail story. Massage happens, but conversation does, too.


**Where are we Going?**

"Castle, where are we going?"

"To the bedroom. Come on. You're gonna love this."

Kate didn't move for a moment, then she followed him and leaned against the doorway.

"That isn't what I was asking," she said, looking down, not yet willing to give up now that she had worked up the nerve to broach the subject.

"I know," he answered, looking down at the massage table and giving it one more smoothing sweep with his hand. "But you're exhausted. We're both exhausted. You've spent a couple of days pushed into an uncomfortable place that wasn't your choice, and I've spent the same amount of time frantically trying to help the boys solve this case so I could get you away from Vaughn. He looked at her then. "And on top of all that, you've just had another sniper's bullet come way too close. It's affected me. It had to have affected you."

"Castle…"

"Let me do this for you…for us," His request bordered on a plea, and he reached out to gently touch his fingertips to her cheek. "We're both still wound a little tight. When I touch you, it relaxes me, too. Let me help us unwind, and then we can talk about anything you want to…all night if that's what it takes." He gave her another kiss, soft and loving, and she put her arms around his neck to accept it. His arms were around her waist, and they held one another in that position as they talked.

"That works," she answered, giving him one more long, gentle kiss. "Thank you for going to all this trouble. I don't deserve it."

"I'm looking forward to it," he answered, wiggling his eyebrows. "And don't talk like that about my woman. Now get out of those clothes, stretch out here, and prepare to be pampered."

Kate left her clothes in the hamper and stretched out face down on the table, her arms folded under her head.

Castle turned off the lights, leaving the two of them surrounded by the soft glow of the candles. He turned on quiet music, pulled the satin sheet up to Kate's waist, poured a small amount of oil in his palm and rubbed his hands together to warm it before touching her shoulders. There was only enough oil to ease the friction of bare skin, not enough to make her feel she might slide out of the satin sheets if she dared to move. He knew how to do this. No matter what he hadn't done right earlier in the week, this was something he knew he could do well; and she groaned in pleasure as he kneaded her shoulders, making him smile behind her. He took his time as his fingers squeezed her shoulders, kneading the knots he found there and in her neck; the palms of his large hands ran slowly up and down the length of her back and over her sides, then he worked his thumbs along the length of her spine and back over the whole area again, paying special attention to the tight spots. He knew her body well enough now to know exactly where to look for them, and she rewarded him with unmistakably appreciative sounds now and then.

"You're so good at this," Kate murmured. "How did I get this lucky?"

"You sure you feel that lucky?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"You've just had somebody else to compare me to. He's richer, a little younger, in great shape, a philanthropist, suave…has a British accent you and Lanie were falling all over yourselves about…and would have taken you with him when he left if he'd had the chance."

"But he knew didn't have any chance."

"I saw him when he was leaving… held the elevator door for him to ease his journey…tried not to look too much like I was gloating when the doors started to close. I guess I'm wondering how you could see the two of us this week and still choose me. In public I could put on my act and give him a run for his money, but you know the real me…the geeky, goofy, klutzy me who doesn't always think reasonably…like that Bigfoot case. I was so jealous of him, Kate. You were pushed into a difficult position where we could all see you didn't want to be, and my jealousy was making your job harder. Next to him I must have looked like an idiot."

"I know who you are, Castle, and why I'd rather be with you. I only saw him for a couple of days. Who knows who he really is when he isn't making an effort? If it makes you feel any better, when he popped the cork on the champagne, the cork hit him in the eye…he said something about my having to protect him from himself."

Castle chuckled as he poured more oil in his hand and started working on her legs. "I have to admit that _is_ a small consolation."

"He wasn't you. You're good for me exactly the way you are. I get to be my own geeky, unpredictable self and know you'll still want me. Two way street, Mr. Castle. And you didn't look like an idiot…just a man who was jealous that his girlfriend was assigned to be alone with another rich, attractive, brilliant man in a hotel suite…indefinitely."

Nice answer. My ego probably needed that." He said nothing for a long moment, then ventured into territory he wasn't sure he should enter. "When you said he kissed you…" Castle started hesitantly as he worked. "You had to let him get close enough that he could." He paused for another moment. "That hurt, Kate. How did it get to that point? I just need to understand."

"It took him all day. I'm sure he handled working his agenda with me the way he'd work a business deal. He started with having all his facts lined up about my qualifications – my whole career…stated them as evidence that he'd made the best choice when I tried to convince him private security would be better. Then he spread the compliments. He'd worked with the best, and I ran circles around them…he recognized how good I was in the first two minutes after he met me. It was Erik Vaughn, Castle. He really has worked with the best. He could ask for anybody he wanted and have no trouble getting them, and he wanted me to head his protection detail."

"And it obviously worked for him."

"You know I didn't want to be there."

"Yeah. I do know that."

"But it was Erik Vaughn. I had to be at least a little flattered, even if I didn't want to be."

"I understand that, too."

"Then he talked about who he knew…how he could help me advance my career. I refused the champagne at first. I got him ice for his eye, then he used the cork injury as an excuse, and I said half a glass. He also used the cork injury to make a self-deprecating comment…make himself seem a little vulnerable, too. We joked about it. He followed that with personal things…my good bedside manner, I could have been a doctor, why I joined the force. I gave him a generic answer. All the thoughtful things he had done for people… I fully expected him to be honorable about my personal life. Then he asked about you…wanted to know if we were together."

"He had it all planned, you know, Castle answered. "I've seen a lot of that. He may be a philanthropist and basically a good guy; but he's still a ladies' man, and he knows how to land his prey. Is that how I looked to you when we first met, Kate…a predator?"

"Only for a little while. It didn't take long to realize there were better sides to you…and that you weren't a predator. Definitely an opportunist, but not a predator."

"Thanks…I think," he answered.

She could hear the little smirk in his voice and smiled briefly.

"Hindsight is usually 20/20, and I can see what was happening now, but right then I was pretty distracted."

So how did he get that close?" Castle prodded.

"That's when he found his opening. When he asked if we were together, I was so used to hiding it, I hesitated a second before I said we were. He was asking me questions right after you and I had an argument…and when doubts were skimming across the surface of my mind…"

"Doubts about us?"

"Deep down I knew better, but I was wondering...now that I don't know how to be without you...if you might be gradually losing interest. And it was beginning to look like you might not trust me anymore. That hurt, too. And then I gave you reason to wonder. I had no intention of doing that."

"I do trust you. And you did refuse him. I'm sure that wasn't part of his plan. In the moments when my mind was intact, I knew you would never cheat on a relationship any more than I would; but then I'd see the overwhelming competition in front of me, and the jealousy would take over…turn me back into an idiot."

"He asked me if it was serious between us…and I hesitated again. He said I wasn't sure it was serious or I wouldn't have hesitated when I said yes. I told him it was complicated, and he said there was nothing complicated about having a woman like me and not knowing what to do about it. He challenged you…challenged _us, _encouraged that little seed of doubt in my mind for just a few seconds, and then moved in. I don't entirely understand what happened to allow him that close, either, Castle. I had a deer in the headlights moment that I'll always regret, and I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry I hurt you. I lied about it at first so I wouldn't have to bring it up in front of anybody else. It wasn't Ryan's business…just ours."

"But I kept pushing."

"Yeah. You need to know Erik's lips barely touched me before I came back to my senses and pushed him away…told him no. He never had any response from me.

"I'll admit I don't like it, but I can see how it happened. I'll get over it."

"He isn't the same kind of man you are on that score. I can't even see you helping anybody cheat on somebody else…let alone pushing them to. It shows a selfish streak living in there with his altruism. I couldn't make myself even shake his hand when he left. If the situation had been reversed, I'd be hurt and jealous, too…and probably behaving badly. I don't want you kissing another woman, either. I want you to be mine. I..."

"I _am_ yours. As long as you want me." He leaned to plant a kiss on her back. "I think it's time we get back to your question. You ready?" he asked, moving back and pressing his thumbs over an ankle.

"Now that one of us finally worked up the nerve to put it out there, I think maybe we both need an answer."

Moving to work on the other leg, he started carefully. "I've been trying not to move too fast, trying not to make you worry if you're not ready for more. I don't want you to feel trapped, or…"

"Just tell me, Castle. I promise I won't run from it anymore. If you could take this where you want it to go, what would you want?"

He walked to the other end of the table and stooped down to look her in the eye. "Everything, Kate. The whole package…marriage, kids if you want them, family vacations, getting old together, taking care of each other, getting on each other's nerves as long as we live, arguing and then kissing and making up... When I said 'always,' I meant exactly that. Does that scare you? 'Cause it scares the hell out of me, but I want it anyway. I'm so afraid of not being what you need."

She reached out to touch his cheek and smiled, looking relieved. "It scares the hell out of me, too…same reason…but, yeah, that's what I want."

"Do you have a timetable in mind?" he asked.

"No. I just needed to know we want the same thing."

"Me, too. So we can start letting the parts of 'always' happen when they feel right?"

"That works for me."

"But fair warning, Beckett… I could get into this 'always' thing pretty fast. It felt right to me a good while ago."

"Me, too," she admitted. "Probably not a bad thing. 'Cause if we decide kids are a good idea, we shouldn't put it off too long. My biological clock is ticking."

He laughed and leaned in and kissed her, both of them smiling when they separated.

She lifted herself up on her forearms, affording him an easy view of more of the body he loved. "Now, get out of those clothes and trade places with me. Let me relax you for a while," she insisted. "You're gonna love the feel of that satin sheet over your bare backside." There was a tiny pause before she added mischievously, "Then we can go to bed and relax each other's fronts." She lifted one of his hands to her lips and kissed it as she looked at him lovingly. "Tomorrow we'll start letting 'always' happen."


End file.
